Sunday, 10 October 2004

nothing personal

when i started this blog, i decided i wouldnt put anything personal in it.

i didn't want to be yet another blogger contemplating his navel - i felt somehow superior. well it's amazing what a few days can teach you - i am now humbled by the need to include something of my feeling (not just opinion) in the blog. maybe realisation that i am the only one interested has loosened my resistance or overcome my resolution or whatever.

a few days ago, my partner and my son left on a 4 month trip to italy. when i saw them walk through immigration i had a sinking feeling in my stomach that has subsided but not entirely dissapeared. my 4 year old son gave me a big lingering hug and my partner cried. I have been in a strange semi-trance since they left. i am enjoying the solitude which i always crave while still missing them dearly. i have sent lots of emails and spoken to them once on the phone but i would very much love a few good cuddles. the four months will be hard even with our dog and 3 cats for company.

now reading this, i understand why i dont write about my feelings - i'm no good at it but then that might apply to all my writing. this blog could be more of an enlightening experience than i expected, or wanted for that matter. what a mess.