Monday, 7 February 2005

western australian elections

when i first went to school, the first to leave the class at the end of the day were those sitting up "straightest". in our attempts to get out of school, we tried to outdo each other by arching backwards as much as we could. there was certainly no sloucher in my class and one of my clearest memories of school was looking around the class to see which of the budding contortionists was winning. unfortunately i wasn't blessed with the kind of bendy joints that made one a champion at this sport and consequently had a little longer to wait.

if you are wondering what this has to do with the upcoming state elections in WA, i am about to explain. last year the current premiere (Dr Gallop), came up with an "enlightened" policy called the Northbridge curfew. in an attempt to deal with the problem of under-aged (sometimes very young) and often Aboriginal loiterers and trouble makers in perth's seedy night spots, a law was passed allowing police to pick up those kids found on the streets after a certain hour. many claims and counter claims have been made regarding the success of otherwise of this scheme, but the tough talkin' john waynesque approach appealed to the mostly conservative mostly white constituency and now that we have jailed those 7 black kids for the night, we only have to deal with the remaining 300 or so older whiter drunker nastier characters that frequent the area after dark.

still wondering? well here's the punch line. Colin Barnett, the pretender to the throne, has just announced that he will be even more edwardian than the premiere and extend the curfew to country towns as well.

i can now see the way clear for me to shine. i will stand in the upcoming elections. i will promise to extend the curfew round the clock and to include all manner of vagrants, untidy people and those that mow not their lawn. and in keeping with other popular policies, i will make all western australians wear a uniform and part their hair on the left and we can become the neatest state and there will be no swearing and no answering back and no getting up until you've finished everything on your plate and everybody to bed by 8 and no foreigners (especially those Aborigines) and people on the dole can sweep up the desert for a dinner of stale bread and water (piped in from antarctica) and ...